YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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