We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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