there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
