Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
