chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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