I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
