We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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