Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
