Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Terrible idea I love it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
