Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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