about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
