You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
