he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
