woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
