and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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