Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize