I intend to get homeless drunk
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
