wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
