You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
