He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
