What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
