turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
