I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize