"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
