Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
