So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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