Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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