Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if only i could text you this smell
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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