babies were throwing up all over the place
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We named our party play list daddy issues
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
