the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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