This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
