My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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