Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
