is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
