Your face is a jimmy john
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
