id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize