I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
