i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
