If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
