I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
