the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
