I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well most of my day revolves around power hour
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
