I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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