You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
In America we eat man semen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
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Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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