I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
