So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
