I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize