did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
