you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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