Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want her autograph on my taint
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
