i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
