hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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