Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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