this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
