Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
