i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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