he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
