I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize