He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
