She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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