to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm like, not good at living.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
