I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
