I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
