My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
