found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
