Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
