I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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