what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
