Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
