Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
