I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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