That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
