Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
