A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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