I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
