This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
