I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
